ERIC KUHLMANN: "BEER PISS IS GREAT"

(Haz click AQUI para leer la entrevista en castellano)

 

Eric Kuhlmann (Canberra, 1975) is a hairy australian artist. He likes to sing naked, hang around with his bear fellas and paint till late at midnight. After his local success with an autobiographical cabaret show about sex, politics and his dealing with schizophrenia, we had this nice conversation with him.

 

 

Hola

sorry got distracted painting

so do you paint??

yep

what kind of paintings?

naive expressionist

sounds great. could i see one?

got no photos, and left camera at friend’s house last night

what did you do last night at your friend’s?

actually it was the night before… we just went back there after going to bears at the pub

how’s the bear scene in Adelaide?

small but friendly

nice. i guess you know each other perfectly

melbourne is not far away

i have a gay friend living in melbourne

big bear scene there. biggest in australia

when did you realized that you were a bear and that you liked bears?

back when i lived in canberra, and i went to my first Bears Canberra event. about 12 or 15 years ago

and how old are you now?

33

good age

can’t wait for 34

do you like guys of your age, younger, older..?

i normally go for my age or older

so what came first, painting or songwriting?

i think painting, but not really sure, i have been doing both since i was very young

you started to be interesting at a very young age. how was your childhood?. i mean, what happened in your life before starting going to public toilets as a teenager

not much, i had fun, was very loved

by your parents

yep, and all the family and friends

any brothers/sisters?

one of each

lovely. and as a child did you feel atracted for other boys?

always

how was your first kiss?

i don’t remember lol

ok, the first kiss you can remember?

was nice, wanted it to go forever

could you describe the guy?

about 40, stocky, shaved head

and you were..?

about 14

so nice. sounds like a dennis cooper scene. do you know cooper?

no

is a gay writer. so when you were with this mature man, did you feel something like a son-dad thing?

nah, i just wanted hot sex lol

may i ask you if you’re top/bottom?

both… depends on the guy, what he wants

good. you like sex, however it comes..

i like sex with certain people… i’m alot more fussy than i used to be

how did you get to public toilets? you heard of it from some friend…?

nah, just read the grafiti

of course. and you visited the toilets every day?

most days

how many time did this phase last?

couple of years

and then what happened…?

got bored of it, found sex with people i loved

how many times have you been in love?

too many

i knew you will say that, so, how and when did schizophrenia started?

dunno, think i always had it, but was diagnosed in 2000

please explain us how it is to have that mental disorder..

confusing and scary and fun

fun?

when you’re psychotic sometimes you feel invincible

i see. and what are the syntoms.. do you hear voices?

it’s more complicated than just hearing voices, it’s more like seeing and hearing secret messages

like you feel a gap between reality and what you hear and see

yeah but at the time you can’t feel the gap, everything is real

in a certain way, we all make our own reality. but at a certain point it can get insane, and turn you violent

i never got violent

just getting naked and screaming and singing out loud

yep

but that’s not a problem. the problem is in boring people’s minds

lol

do you thing that being psychotic lead you to being an artist?

i was always an artist

maybe, as an artist, you have an intimate inner reality, so strong that replaced the “real world”

dunno

and now you are under medication..

yep

have your life improved with meds?

yep

how

am much more connected with the real world, more able to get things done and make commitments

you are in a relationship now, right?

yep

do you live together?

no, he lives in melbourne, i live in adelaide

how did you met?

we travel a lot, i go there or he comes here. it’s only an hour on the plane

i meant how did you first met

in melbourne at a club. his friend saw me. said they should take me home and fuck me. so they did

but you end up with you actual boyfriend

yep. the friend left early

are you a close couple?

we talk every night and text constantly

i mean, do you fuck with others?

we haven’t yet, but only because we don’t want to

You get known by your show “I WAS A TEENAGE DIRTY OLD MAN”.

But before that, what kind of songs did you do?

folky punky acoustic ditties

with autobiographical lyrics?

sometimes, not always

let’s talk about some of your songs..

ok

i love “Straight guys love my man tits”

cheers, i like it, but my boyfriend hates it lol

 

i have kind of an issue with my tits. i wish i had them smaller. or just harder

i don’t care about mine, as long as my boyfriend likes them

i really enjoy sucking nipples

i think all dudes like lick or being licked his nipples

yep for sure. have you fucked many straight guys?

probably

most of them are curious hehe……

i don’t ask

we all should ask less and do more

lol

Another song that i love is “Snore”. i’ve slept with a lot of guys who snore. and somehow it helps me to get asleep. “I love you but i snore”: what did you tried to express with that?

i always snore, and people always pointed it out to me… i thought it might stop someone falling in love with me

yes, they allways tell me ” i snore” when i ask them to sleep with me. but i like it

it’s a very old song. the oldest song i still do

 

The tracks in your myspace include some of your latest songs?

no, they’re all a few years old… i have been slack

so no new tracks for the moment?

i have a few new ones i should put up, just haven’t gotten around to doing it…

tell us about them……..

they’re songs i wrote when i first met my boyfriend

so i guess they express what u were feeling

yep. still feeling

could you share a little from that songs’ lyrics?

i love you like i love stout

i love you like i love hash

i love you like i love vodka

and it’s you that i wanna pash

what means “pash”?

kissing

ooooooooooooh, beautiful. and since you are in love, do you feel less sarcastic?

yep

your paintings were affected too?

yep

what did you find in him that you didn’t find in other guys?

love

of course. but there was anything special that made you go further with him?

i fell in love

ok, guess it can not be measured… Another song. “I’m not a paedophile but i’ve slept with a few”. so are you alright with kids of 14 or less having consented sex? i mean,of course you are, you did it. but when do you think a kid can start having sex? with adults..

whenever they’re mature enough to want to do it

when i was a boy i wanted so badly to have sex with the …how do you say the gym teacher?

pe teacher

ok. so i wanted the pe teacher to fuck me and kiss me. i was 12. but he did it with my best friend, not with me. knew it couple of years ago. and i got jealous.. How did you started your bear punk band?

with friends, we were sitting around and decided to start a band lol

what is the difference between your solo songs and the Armpit Stench songs?

solo songs are more personal. armpit stench songs are always about bears

 

what is for you the difference between a bear and any other kind of gay?

cuddly

For some part of the bear community being a bear means being a “real male”, adopting some of the manners of the classical “straight macho man”. do you identify with that?

yeah, but i wouldn’t be exclusive of other people

i think the whole bear thing started as a way of going back to a certain “natural way” of being gay. like don’t worrying about your aspect, or the clothes you wear, etc.. And now it has become a role play full of uniforms, “woofs”, “grrrrs” and poses

it is still very real here in australia

so you aussie bears just relax and try to be yourselves?

yep

in europe it’s so mad. they’re not hairy men or happy fat men. they are another kind of drags!

lol

bearded macho drags..

sounds like the leather queens over here

yeah! have you ever fucked with some other member of the band?

all of them. one is my ex boyfriend after all

all together or one at a time?

one at a time

nice. what means “Armpit stench”??

you know what “armpit” is?

no, sorry

underneath your shoulder where the hair grows, where your arm connects to your body

aaaaaaaaam. and stench?

stinky smell

ok hahaha. GOOD name. hey do you like licking armpits? i love it..

we all love it

even when it is not so clean..?

i like sweat

what is the weirdest sexual thing you’ve ever done?

got wrapped completely in glad wrap once

what is glad wrap?

cling wrap? The plastic you use to wrap food

ow. hahaha. and then what happened?

he made a hole and pissed into it

have u ever drink pee or know somebody who does it?

i have

and how does it taste?

beer piss is great, morning piss is disgusting

and you do it frecuently, or just did it exceptionally?

from time to time

with ur boyfriend?

yep

that is love. tell us about you and drugs……

what do you want to know?

well, what do you do besides mushrooms?

pot, speed, e

and when did u started?

about 18

do you consider yourself as an addict?

only to cigarettes, everything else i can take or leave

what is your favorite tv series?

torchwood

one of us (antonio) is a really huge fan of Torchwood

i love it

i never seen it lol

you should, it’s good

pick a torchwood character for a shag

reece

and for a serious relationship?

reece again

haha. well, there’s a question that none of our guests have answered yet: how long is ur cock?

depend where you measure from

well, just an average… inches?

7

is it thick?

average

ok. i think we’re done

ok

 

ERIC’S MYSPACE
ARMPIT STENCH’S MYSPACE

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